The Heart Grows

This year, I switched from a propane BBQ to charcoal grilling. I chose it because it is slow and it is an event. First, I build a little fire using twigs and paper I have gathered. Then I add my wood charcoal chunks. Finally, I spend the rest of the day cooking vegetables and meat. It gives me time to teach my kids, to thank the food itself, to talk with Creator and the other creatures that flit through our backyard space. Time and space and place. Relationship and gratitude.  My great grandfather trapped and showed us about cleaning and skinning. I have hunted and fished but not done so lately. Though our family has been practicing foraging or gathering. We grow grapes and harvest those. We gather dandelion greens and plantain. We make syrups and jellies from many of the edible flowers in our urban space. We even try to gather fruit from urban trees that is not being eaten by others. I would like to try an urban sugar bush project. You never take the first or the last. Y...

We have had several revenue streams over the years. The main one for two decades has been through the religious organization we are with. Everyone in the organization is supposed to raise their own support (and is told by many to rely solely on what they raise). I have only encountered a privileged few who can survive with a family on this method (especially when it is longterm, ie anything over 2 years).  Since we began this journey of decolonization, our support base has crumbled. People have stopped supporting us, unfriended us on the socials, and stopped taking our calls. The pandemic has exacerbated everything as well. Through it all, we have seen how tied to colonialism (and capitalism) mission truly is. This is a whole topic to explore and perhaps I will in this stream of consciousness blog-style I am now writing. In the meantime, humans still need money to live. I have hope in systems like Patreon that allow people to just put their life out there and ho...

  As I have dipped back into this blog space, I do wonder why I am doing this. Who is this for? I have kept a journal since 1993. Before that, I wrote in Hilroys--filling them with feelings and scripts for the days ahead. Why do I write something in public (even if no one reads it)?  Several years ago, I participated in a Plein Air painting day in a park. Creating and showing art in public adds to the human experience (mine and others). Public creativity is good. There is also the promise of the internet as an exchange of ideas and a healthy place to find community. I write to be part of this promise. I write to practice and hope to improve.  Finally, I think sharing this path of decolonization is vital for decolonization... For those who stumble into this space, leave a comment or question and I will respond. 

I thought I was so smart coming up with this idea after learning about the male gaze several years ago. Let us refresh our minds and re-examine the wiki defining "In  feminist theory , the  male gaze  is the act of depicting  women  and the  world , in the  visual arts  and in  literature , from a masculine, heterosexual perspective that presents and  represents  women as  sexual objects  for the pleasure of the  heterosexual   male  viewer." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_gaze. Last accessed July 22, 2021). There is an abundance of quality explanations and explorations on this topic from a variety of points of academic rigour. I personally will be using Mollie Bowman as a guide and model and inspiration. I need direction. Of course I will not be the first one to apply this technique to the ideas of a colonial gaze. This will be the first time that I have re-watched a film while critically reflect...

There is no simple or easy way to travel on this journey. It can hurt; it can feel like a homecoming; it will be uncomfortable. There are many parts or aspects to this journey. It will take time and work.  A beginning point for me was my introduction to the NAIITS: an indigenous learning community . I first began to connect with this group in 2016 and haven't been the same since. I will talk more about community in another post. It takes time and hard work.  When colonialism is the water you have swum in your entire life--and continue to swim in, it is difficult to exit. Throw out our Eurocentric idea(l)s of perfection and efficiency. The trail, the path, is not straight and that is Good. I don't think I will ever be finished here in this life... maybe that is the point.  Allow for time and lots of it. You will likely begin to understand time in a different way. 

It has been many months since I have posted on here. The world has certainly changed and I continue this decolonization journey. There is certainly a cost to this journey--a distinct financial one for my family who have relied heavily on raising support for many years and a loss of many friendships. As a straight, white guy, the comparable hardship is minimal. Here is to random blog posts. The following is also part of my personal decolonization journey, particularly how I have seen the Bible used and interpreted as a weapon of power and empire.  My friend has recounted some of his journey on Tik-Tok and in a very backwards compatible way, I wanted to highlight the first part of his journey here. Take a listen and then watch them all.  @jamiearpinricci My experience in YWAM - Part 1 ##ywam ##exvangelical ##deconstructingchristianity ##progressiveclergy ##progressivechristian ♬ original sound - Jamie Arpin-Ricci