The Heart Grows

My Public School career was from the early 80s to the early 90s. I am just now reckoning with the fact that I am neurodivergent--and have been since I was born. I have spent the past few years going back through my memories to unweave and review some of these times. I do not know where to begin or end.  I was bullied every day of school until I hit my growth spurt. That is when I stopped bullying from happening when I could. I hate bullying. I am sure that due to this part of my story, my reaction to some things is not proportional to the actual action.  I know I went to school with Mi'kmaq and Wolastokiyik kids but their identity was never acknowledged, certainly not celebrated, and perhaps ridiculed. The thing is, I didn't pay enough attention to really know.  I am sorry. I know I didn't do a good job. I am sure I was never a good or safe friend. 

 This is a great discussion on an Indigenous and decolonized theological Jesus Way journey. Randy Woodley is a great thinker and speaker with a lot of experience.  I like the idea of shedding christianity as I walk on the Jesus Way. Christianity led me to Jesus but I don't think I would call myself Christian--except for sake of expediency and not integrity.

We must reckon with Land. In the journey of decolonization, capital 'L' Land is a vital connection. We must understand treaties and obligations. We must acknowledge and begin to walk in a Good Way with the indigenous people of the Land. We need to rethink our understandings of relationship with Land.  As settlers, we owe the Land. We do not own the Land.  Some of us may participate in the colonial system of 'owning Land.' I really think that is an imaginary fiction that does not produce a healthy paradigm nor reflect the actual relationship. We purchased a house several years ago. For me, that was an agreement with the Land itself. I think the Land, if anything, owns me. The Land has been here much longer and will be here much longer than I. The Land gives food and shelter and all sorts of Good Medicine.  We are in a climate crisis. Let us be clear. The Land will ultimately be fine. It is humanity that is truly in danger. If we do not get into a g...

Here is the thing, I have read a lot of books on this journey. It is important to once again, situate my context of knowing and learning. I am settler-Acadian. I grew up along the Wolastoq and now live in Mi'kma'ki, the part now currently known as Nova Scotia. I am a treaty person with the Peace and Friendship Treaties of 1725 forward. This journey is impossible without reading. I spent a lot of years reading almost exclusively from the voice of straight, white, men. I needed to spend a long time listening to different voices... decentering whiteness. Read indigenous authors. Read women authors.  In an effort for manageability, I have put some of these books in different pots. It doesn't mean they should always stay there. Also, this is not an exhaustive list. I am not sure if I could pinpoint the reason I chose these other than they are my regular "you may want to start with some of these" books when I am asked about reading lists. I haven't even mentioned th...

Last night, while we were having a little fire in our back garden, my son and I were walking our fence line. Several years ago, I was given 3 grapevine cuttings to propagate. Only one took. You see, when we moved in to this place, there was already a lush Concord vine growing. I have had to protect this from careless developers on the other side of our fence who have reached over the fence and cut this vine.  When given the opportunity to grow another variety, I said yes. My mother-in-law helped me quite a bit. The kids have cared for this growing vine over the past few years. It has now creeped up our fence and is taller than my 6 feet. Last night, as I gave up at this vine with the tiny green and growing grapes on it, I was overcome with the desire to kiss the vine. I pushed it down as silly. Then I relented and dove deeply into that feeling. I gently brushed my lips against this vine. "I am so glad you are growing and doing well friend. You are a sight to behold." My son w...

This year, I switched from a propane BBQ to charcoal grilling. I chose it because it is slow and it is an event. First, I build a little fire using twigs and paper I have gathered. Then I add my wood charcoal chunks. Finally, I spend the rest of the day cooking vegetables and meat. It gives me time to teach my kids, to thank the food itself, to talk with Creator and the other creatures that flit through our backyard space. Time and space and place. Relationship and gratitude.  My great grandfather trapped and showed us about cleaning and skinning. I have hunted and fished but not done so lately. Though our family has been practicing foraging or gathering. We grow grapes and harvest those. We gather dandelion greens and plantain. We make syrups and jellies from many of the edible flowers in our urban space. We even try to gather fruit from urban trees that is not being eaten by others. I would like to try an urban sugar bush project. You never take the first or the last. Y...

We have had several revenue streams over the years. The main one for two decades has been through the religious organization we are with. Everyone in the organization is supposed to raise their own support (and is told by many to rely solely on what they raise). I have only encountered a privileged few who can survive with a family on this method (especially when it is longterm, ie anything over 2 years).  Since we began this journey of decolonization, our support base has crumbled. People have stopped supporting us, unfriended us on the socials, and stopped taking our calls. The pandemic has exacerbated everything as well. Through it all, we have seen how tied to colonialism (and capitalism) mission truly is. This is a whole topic to explore and perhaps I will in this stream of consciousness blog-style I am now writing. In the meantime, humans still need money to live. I have hope in systems like Patreon that allow people to just put their life out there and ho...

  As I have dipped back into this blog space, I do wonder why I am doing this. Who is this for? I have kept a journal since 1993. Before that, I wrote in Hilroys--filling them with feelings and scripts for the days ahead. Why do I write something in public (even if no one reads it)?  Several years ago, I participated in a Plein Air painting day in a park. Creating and showing art in public adds to the human experience (mine and others). Public creativity is good. There is also the promise of the internet as an exchange of ideas and a healthy place to find community. I write to be part of this promise. I write to practice and hope to improve.  Finally, I think sharing this path of decolonization is vital for decolonization... For those who stumble into this space, leave a comment or question and I will respond. 

I thought I was so smart coming up with this idea after learning about the male gaze several years ago. Let us refresh our minds and re-examine the wiki defining "In  feminist theory , the  male gaze  is the act of depicting  women  and the  world , in the  visual arts  and in  literature , from a masculine, heterosexual perspective that presents and  represents  women as  sexual objects  for the pleasure of the  heterosexual   male  viewer." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_gaze. Last accessed July 22, 2021). There is an abundance of quality explanations and explorations on this topic from a variety of points of academic rigour. I personally will be using Mollie Bowman as a guide and model and inspiration. I need direction. Of course I will not be the first one to apply this technique to the ideas of a colonial gaze. This will be the first time that I have re-watched a film while critically reflect...

There is no simple or easy way to travel on this journey. It can hurt; it can feel like a homecoming; it will be uncomfortable. There are many parts or aspects to this journey. It will take time and work.  A beginning point for me was my introduction to the NAIITS: an indigenous learning community . I first began to connect with this group in 2016 and haven't been the same since. I will talk more about community in another post. It takes time and hard work.  When colonialism is the water you have swum in your entire life--and continue to swim in, it is difficult to exit. Throw out our Eurocentric idea(l)s of perfection and efficiency. The trail, the path, is not straight and that is Good. I don't think I will ever be finished here in this life... maybe that is the point.  Allow for time and lots of it. You will likely begin to understand time in a different way. 

It has been many months since I have posted on here. The world has certainly changed and I continue this decolonization journey. There is certainly a cost to this journey--a distinct financial one for my family who have relied heavily on raising support for many years and a loss of many friendships. As a straight, white guy, the comparable hardship is minimal. Here is to random blog posts. The following is also part of my personal decolonization journey, particularly how I have seen the Bible used and interpreted as a weapon of power and empire.  My friend has recounted some of his journey on Tik-Tok and in a very backwards compatible way, I wanted to highlight the first part of his journey here. Take a listen and then watch them all.  @jamiearpinricci My experience in YWAM - Part 1 ##ywam ##exvangelical ##deconstructingchristianity ##progressiveclergy ##progressivechristian ♬ original sound - Jamie Arpin-Ricci

"Decolonization once viewed as the formal process of handing over the instruments of government, is now recognized as a long-term process involving the bureaucratic, cultural, linguistic and psychological divesting of colonial power [1]” https://www.ictinc.ca/blog/a-brief-definition-of-decolonization-and-indigenization Jan 25/19  This re-understanding is my journey of decolonization, one rooted in my Acadian identity; rooted in my relationship with the Mi'kmaq, Wolastoqey, and Passamaquoddy; rooted in this Land.This is not an exercise in contextualization, or worse, appropriation, but in decolonization and unsettling the YWAM values for the benefit of all of YWAM.  Decolonization is the responsibility of the colonizer more than the colonized. Decolonization is something you practice. These values aren't really values at all but words of the Lord spoken to YWAM. These values, as time goes on, the revelation of these Words continues to change and grow. They are ...

This journey of decolonization has been long. Longer than I expected as I reflect. This journey has felt isolating. In many of my circles, few people were at this place, at least that was my impression. In the recent years, as I have become more vocal about decolonization and taking simple steps of justice and love, I have found many others. There have been certain people and incidents that have spurred deeper reflection and journey. I have to tell you that one of the communities that has helped me quite a bit is NAIITS--an indigenous learning community.  Though I myself have just been on the periphery of this group until recently, some good friends have journeyed in this circle for quite a while. I attended the recent NAIITS symposium this past June in Wolfville, NS. They have many of their lectures available to watch on their Facebook Page . The breakout groups and beers with peers afterwards were certainly my personal highlight. There are people who are thinking about this s...

"My heart breaks." That short sentence seems to repeat in me often this past year. There has been a lot of grief this year that has affected my family. My heart breaks. Injustice rages in our neighbour country. My heart breaks. Our Canadian government is not holding to its promises. My heart breaks. So much happens and my heart breaks. It is difficult to not become overwhelmed. Do you ever find yourself talking about something deeply and passionately that feels like a deep matter of life and those around you give you 'The Look' or its verbal cousin 'The Tone?' There are those already on the way of decolonization. There are those indigenous people that have lived and led and carried this way. Then there are those who look at me like I am crazy. They look at me with betrayal, like I am an enemy who used to be a friend. They look at me like how I would assume they look at indigenous people. My heart breaks. Relationships have been broken because of my decol...

Part of this journey of decolonization is simply celebrating together. Go to National Indigenous Peoples day in Canada. Find when the powwows are happening in your neighbourhood and check them out. See some great dances. Eat some delish food. Hear from elders. Just go. Let people know its your first time and you will have folks that will host you well. Learn about some of the stuff I do from my recent patreon post.

Well, I have not posted in quite some time. I am still not sure how often I will write here. It feels like I spend much of my life writing but none of the writing is particularly ground breaking or significant. Currently, this, what you are reading right now is full stream of consciousness stuff. I have kept a journal for 24 years. They are numbered and I am well into the 50s these days. People change and grow. When you keep a journal you can see how you have grown. That is why I have changed the name of this blog once again. I am on a personal journey of decolonization and this has been going on for decades but I didn't know  how to name it. This journey weaves itself between the many areas of my life. It weaves itself through the topics I enjoy writing about here: archaeology, art, and the Jesus Way. So we all throw things out into the universe. Sometimes we burn letters and the smoke and ash are blown into the ether, sometimes we talk to the trees as we walk through a fore...

St. Patrick’s Breastplate A prayer to finish this devotional path. This is the end of this book guided journey for me. It feels like the beginning of some of the lessons that the Holy Spirit is teaching me: the nature of 'accountability'  and St. Patrick. This book has also added to things the Holy Spirit has already been teaching me like community, Church, being missional, and contemplation. I am also challenged to  continue  this devotional/Quiet time journey with some other book but also in the  public  sphere.  I will be reading over and praying through this for the next several days. You can find several iterations through Google but after a quick look, I prefer the one adapted by Jamie Arpin-Ricci and its use of first person plural “we and us.” I included one version below. "I arise today Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, Through a belief in the Threeness, Through confession of the Oneness Of the Creator ...

Conclusion and Ear Worms The fear of death is powerful. Vulnerability is the paradoxical key. How typical of Jesus. He flips it upside down... Just like the Fresh Prince .  Share our weaknesses. Share my weaknesses. Humanity has this in common .  We all have that in common. We are all common people. I guess it is a music association morning.  This vulnerable faith is the truth and love. It takes a beginning and it is a practice. Just like many things. We practice and we get better. Vulnerable faith is both something individual and communal. Truly, following Jesus is a communal activity in the deepest and most real way. I and we are to share grief and joy and failings and triumphs and be ready to learn from others and to teach and to sponsor and to be sponsored. I want to live in this type of community. The eternal transformation and reconciliation is surprisingly present and right now.   That is the last one I promise. The automatic music choices of my...

Chapter 7 Shalom After today, I only have 2 sections left: the conclusion and Patrick’c breastplate. I have enjoyed this journey thoroughly. Time to begin. The incarnation of Christ transforms hearts and communities. This is what missional is. Its the living shalom that is Christ, Christ in us—in me. Be the little Christ and live and love and make friends and listen and act justly and love mercy. “That is the mission of birthing and restoring shalom to the world is in Christ, by Christ, and for the honour of Christ.” Peace/shalom is “Physical/material well being, social/relational harmony, and morality/ethics.” That last one is the least emphasized in the Bible. Western culture, my culture (sort of) skews what I “hear” as I read the Bible. I think Sola Scriptura is a fallacy because it is impossible—culture, language, and so much more affect our interpretation of meaning. Or at the very least "I do not think it means what you think it means." Must think and pray about ...

Chapter 6 part 2 Approach the poor person like they are Jesus. This is alway a radical thought especially in full time ministry. Not simply with dignity and love—and this is what is highlighted in the book—but not as self as saviour to this poor person who need my saving. What if we approach as if they are Jesus?  Building community is hard. I say that I do it but I am not really sure and it has yet to become what I think it should be. Perhaps because it I/Me/Mine thinking and expectations. Its funny how God brings different things together at the same time to build understanding. As I have read this book, my wife and I have been catching up with season 2 of the anime series Sword Art Online . Not going to explain the story but the themes through the whole series are: being trapped and being free and what does that even mean; building community with honesty and vulnerability. Suffering trauma needs to be shared and not repressed. You can only share in the context of commun...