The Heart Grows

St. Patrick’s Breastplate A prayer to finish this devotional path. This is the end of this book guided journey for me. It feels like the beginning of some of the lessons that the Holy Spirit is teaching me: the nature of 'accountability'  and St. Patrick. This book has also added to things the Holy Spirit has already been teaching me like community, Church, being missional, and contemplation. I am also challenged to  continue  this devotional/Quiet time journey with some other book but also in the  public  sphere.  I will be reading over and praying through this for the next several days. You can find several iterations through Google but after a quick look, I prefer the one adapted by Jamie Arpin-Ricci and its use of first person plural “we and us.” I included one version below. "I arise today Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, Through a belief in the Threeness, Through confession of the Oneness Of the Creator ...

Conclusion and Ear Worms The fear of death is powerful. Vulnerability is the paradoxical key. How typical of Jesus. He flips it upside down... Just like the Fresh Prince .  Share our weaknesses. Share my weaknesses. Humanity has this in common .  We all have that in common. We are all common people. I guess it is a music association morning.  This vulnerable faith is the truth and love. It takes a beginning and it is a practice. Just like many things. We practice and we get better. Vulnerable faith is both something individual and communal. Truly, following Jesus is a communal activity in the deepest and most real way. I and we are to share grief and joy and failings and triumphs and be ready to learn from others and to teach and to sponsor and to be sponsored. I want to live in this type of community. The eternal transformation and reconciliation is surprisingly present and right now.   That is the last one I promise. The automatic music choices of my...

Chapter 7 Shalom After today, I only have 2 sections left: the conclusion and Patrick’c breastplate. I have enjoyed this journey thoroughly. Time to begin. The incarnation of Christ transforms hearts and communities. This is what missional is. Its the living shalom that is Christ, Christ in us—in me. Be the little Christ and live and love and make friends and listen and act justly and love mercy. “That is the mission of birthing and restoring shalom to the world is in Christ, by Christ, and for the honour of Christ.” Peace/shalom is “Physical/material well being, social/relational harmony, and morality/ethics.” That last one is the least emphasized in the Bible. Western culture, my culture (sort of) skews what I “hear” as I read the Bible. I think Sola Scriptura is a fallacy because it is impossible—culture, language, and so much more affect our interpretation of meaning. Or at the very least "I do not think it means what you think it means." Must think and pray about ...

Chapter 6 part 2 Approach the poor person like they are Jesus. This is alway a radical thought especially in full time ministry. Not simply with dignity and love—and this is what is highlighted in the book—but not as self as saviour to this poor person who need my saving. What if we approach as if they are Jesus?  Building community is hard. I say that I do it but I am not really sure and it has yet to become what I think it should be. Perhaps because it I/Me/Mine thinking and expectations. Its funny how God brings different things together at the same time to build understanding. As I have read this book, my wife and I have been catching up with season 2 of the anime series Sword Art Online . Not going to explain the story but the themes through the whole series are: being trapped and being free and what does that even mean; building community with honesty and vulnerability. Suffering trauma needs to be shared and not repressed. You can only share in the context of commun...

Chapter 6. Part 1 to the end of the appearance of Step 12 Step 11 through prayer and meditation I can improve my conscious contact with God Holy Spirit, help me to pray unceasingly and to begin to know what that means. Help me to have dedicated time with you before my day begins and to have my default setting be ‘PRAY’ and not ‘TV’ thank you that it is no longer ‘PORN.’ Be the centre.  “Pentecost united and empowered God’s people to love across boundaries that once divided,”  Pentecost is not a power encounter but a cultural and relational one. It is a big GO into all the world. Pentecost is a rain that has not stopped falling. Jesus, help me to stop carrying an umbrella. It is a bridge that is always being built.  “Missional is descriptive rather than the thing itself” and I see it now. I always feel like adding qualifiers to make myself look smarter and well rounded (not that I didn’t see it before). It is a struggle to simply right this for myself. To let ...

Chapter 5 part 2 ‘The Witness of Failure’ to end of the chapter Today I listen to classical music. So many thoughts and impressions and in no order other than that which will help me to remember. I write this for myself. You who read this are peeking into my mind… or at least my journal (of which I am currently writing in #45). I am trying to not make apologies or rational here because I wouldn't do that in my journal. I know my story. I know my shit. It stinks. I also know that Jesus can make fertilizer out of it for good things to grow.  I reflect on thing. I will not share my list of failures and moral lapses on the internetz. That is not the way to build intimacy and community with real people. It is often a panacea to the same. I will say it frightens me to my core. I am scared to share. I do know that road of telling things does get easier each step. I think it is because I am not convinced of deep community in close proximity. My best, deepest, dearest, and ol...

The walk with Jesus is not individual but communal.  Reconciliation comes with resurrection. Barriers are transformed.  Once again I walk the path of forgiveness and let go my hold on those who have hurt me Who have I harmed? Can I make amends? There are some I have already done so. I must build the bridge again.  Shit.  The first two people that come to mind, unrelated to each other, may have a problem with me. I really am not sure. I do realize they have something in common. I think they are both a little crazy. They appear to me to be irrational people who make poor decisions based on somethings I do not understand or do not appear valid to me. Do I think anyone who may have a problem with me is craze? Oh, Jesus, help me.

Chapter 4 part deux (personal responsibility) Favourite phrase: 'shallow literalism' Two things hit me right away. 'The process of emptiness with the hope of life on the other side. The Phil 2:5-8 way. Kenosis. 'This is taking up my cross. Do I? Have I shifted the blame of my selfish and sinful choices? Yes I have. Do I still do it looking back? Then the line 'learning to take responsibility had been one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do." The chapter ends with a look at the disciple thomas and how that story has been reinterpreted by the Protestant movement.  All of this is leading me in a new process of emptying myself and looking back at the very empty times of my life in a new light.  Jesus help. 

Losing my illusions. My beautiful girls interrupt me with Papa! With Acadian roots, the French word for dad seems more us. Anyways, I didn't get far today.   The emptiness of the tomb. How deep is that moment and that thought?! Recognizing my own emptiness and asking The Lord to fill me. Humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings and doing the work to be in that place. I re-wrote some of the last line because I was using us/our terms to distance myself from God speaking and challenging ME!  I am so used to my own shit that I wallow in that I am scared of a bath and think I don't really smell that bad. Oh Jesus. Help me. 

Chapter 3 part 2 A searching and fearless personal inventory I have just spent 10 minutes realizing I skipped chapter 3 part 2 somehow and thought as I was reading 4, that I was reading 3. I have figured out my mistake and am going back to chapter 3. I will be posting these updates with a lag time so I will post them in order of the book not my mistaken order. This may affect the path I tread as I walk though this reading. I don’t know about you but my kids are always changing the place of my bookmarks. I am not saying that is what happened in this instance but laying groundwork for plausible deniability of my own failings… wait a second, I am sure I just read something about this. Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Not only an examination, in community, of our faults but an affirmation of what is good and right in us. I need time to actually follow though on this portion. I need the grace of Jesus to follow through, I need the community to fo...

Chapter 3 (part 1) When we walk without the cross, when we build without the cross, and when we proclaim Christ without the cross, we are not disciples of the Lord. —Pope Francis What!!?? Broadchurch! Good reference. (Shook a back burner thought loose) Why do you have to interject YOUR story into the lives and interactions of everyone you meet? What is the root of your deep need to be heard? Realize that need to be heard  is the deep need of everyone. Listen and hear. Ask questions as opposed to immediately sharing your tangentially pertinent story.  The dying practice of hospitality and the freedom from the fear of death continue to challenge me. This is a longer Chapter then the previous sections with more content that, in a devotional reading, requires thought, prayer, and response. In the cross is found the freedom from the fear of death. Oh Jesus, let me never forget the Cross. Let me pick up my cross daily and follow you.  Jesus help.

Chapter 2 I am not writing a book review. I struggle to not distance myself from what Jesus is doing in me by hiding behind academic dissection of a work and the choices of an author. It will result in agreement and nerdy bibliophile high-fives anyways.  The fear of death is the root of pretence and not building a real community but a pseudo community. It is also what makes us vilify the other in the rest of humanity. Instead of embracing the other as a reflection of the triune relationship of father son and Holy Spirit. Death and fear of death are what dehumanizes. That is the goal of the enemy.  I sit and read this with my new reading glasses (indicative of my body's slow entropy journey ) under a sleeping bag because we can't afford to heat our house. Do death and the fear of death control me and make me insane? Steps 2 and 3 are quite beautiful in the face of the answer to that question. Do I trust The Lord? Will I choose to trust Him with my life? Jesu...

Chapter 1 The hardest part is rationing this book to a chapter a morning. It is good. Forces my own self reflection and room for the Holy Spirit to speak. Sometimes I type on my phone and those posts are definitely shorter than ones with my laptop handy.  The first of the 12 steps is admitting powerlessness over the addiction. I started out with obvious issues like lust, dispassionate reason, cynicism, and distrust (without specifics--also telling). Admitting powerlessness is a huge one--links to pride and fierce self-reliance. Realized that I just may be addicted to facts over truth. Jesus help. 

Though I have been writing and teaching and laughing and raising a family, I have not written for this blog. I thought I would get back into it using a new book and my set aside time with Jesus. I will be reading Vulnerable Faith: Missional Living in the Radical Way of St Patrick by Jamie Arpin-Ricci . It has been a dry season of "Quiet Times" with Jesus for me. The needs of my littlies and my choices to sleep instead of be with Jesus have resulted in an irregular time set aside with the one I love most in the universe. This of course affects everything in my life from community to leading to being a good father to those regular potholes of life.  My experiment is this: I will read a portion of the book as I pray and expect the Holy Spirit to illumine then I will write down some of those personal prayers and illuminations. This will be rough writing. I will not be doing a lot of quality control on my word choice. Also, I will be posting a few days behind. Mostly this give...